I was jogging this morning and just consumed with a lot of anxiousness and doubt. I didn't want to be going through this summer even though I knew it would draw me closer to Christ. All I wanted to do was turn on the TV, grab a bar of chocolate and drowned out any thought that came into my head. TV really does that. You can watch a show and it thinks for you, it takes you out of reality if only for a short time, but when the show is over, it makes you feel worse than before it started. I have been having a hard time waking up in the morning. I have had all these plans to start the day off right and energized, but I end up sleeping hours past my alarm clock. This happens every once in a while, and I have tried to find why this happens and what my mood is like during this time. I noticed two things when this happens: There is always something that I am not wanting to process through, and 2, I watch TV, which I rarely watch, until 2am or until I fall asleep on the couch rather than in my bed. Does this sound familiar?
I am not strong, at all. I know this, yet, I still act like it is my responsibility and duty to manage and get from point A to point B to point C to point D... and so on. What burden am I taking sole responsibility to to carry? How can I know I am weak, yet act like I am strong?
So this morning as I was jogging, a song by remedy drive came through on my music player. I have heard this song many times before and never really caught the message of it. But God put it right into my head. God is great at bringing me to utter brokenness, yet never despair. He snatches me right from the doorway of despair's home, never too early, but always right on time.
Here’s for the years the worms have eaten
grace for the youth that’s almost gone
i was awake when you were sleeping
when you are weak i still am strong
don’t despair child- you’d think i can hold you up when you fall
if i can hold up the stars i can answer your call
why so anxious? you’d think i can light up the path for your feet
if i can turn on the sun - let it shine in your street
when i rise up, when i’m carefully painting the dawn it’s for you
rise and shine love, give glory where glory is due - Remedy Drive
