one of those songs that hits you in the face

I was jogging this morning and just consumed with a lot of anxiousness and doubt.  I didn't want to be going through this summer even though I knew it would draw me closer to Christ. All I wanted to do was turn on the TV, grab a bar of chocolate and drowned out any thought that came into my head. TV really does that.  You can watch a show and it thinks for you, it takes you out of reality if only for a short time, but when the show is over, it makes you feel worse than before it started.  I have been having a hard time waking up in the morning.  I have had all these plans to start the day off right and energized, but I end up sleeping hours past my alarm clock.  This happens every once in a while, and I have tried to find why this happens and what my mood is like during this time.  I noticed two things when this happens:  There is always something that I am not wanting to process through, and 2, I watch TV, which I rarely watch, until 2am or until I fall asleep on the couch rather than in my bed.  Does this sound familiar? 
I am not strong, at all.  I know this, yet, I still act like it is my responsibility and duty to manage and get from point A to point B to point C to point D... and so on.  What burden am I taking sole responsibility to to carry?  How can I know I am weak, yet act like I am strong? 

So this morning as I was jogging, a song by remedy drive came through on my music player.  I have heard this song many times before and never really caught the message of it.  But God put it right into my head.  God is great at bringing me to utter brokenness, yet never despair.  He snatches me right from the doorway of despair's home, never too early, but always right on time.

Here’s for the years the worms have eaten


grace for the youth that’s almost gone

i was awake when you were sleeping

when you are weak i still am strong

don’t despair child- you’d think i can hold you up when you fall

if i can hold up the stars i can answer your call

why so anxious? you’d think i can light up the path for your feet

if i can turn on the sun - let it shine in your street

when i rise up, when i’m carefully painting the dawn it’s for you

rise and shine love, give glory where glory is due - Remedy Drive

i can not rescue myself

Officially, I must begin my journey with Jesus in finding a ministry team to be a part of reaching more college students, who will reach families, who will reach the world for Christ. I could not sleep much last night, and felt the same weight I would be feeling if I was doing this all on my own. But after prayer, I am reminded that I am not alone, that this is not on my own strength, which has yet to be exerted. I sense a strong and wise hand on my back, which puts me at an ease and has given me a better perspective on walking forward.

I learned this morning about being a rescuer. How, so often, I try to be a rescuer for people, but often can not be. Jesus is a rescuer, we just need to stay out of his way. If you picture it like this: A person in constant trouble, drama surrounding them and we run to their aid thinking that we can handle their every need, answer every question. But when we can't, we run dry, we add to the drama. It's like Sarai who, not willing to wait for God to bare Abram a child, acted as the rescuer in giving Hagar to him instead. Now what did that bring? More drama... she could not handle it.

So often, we are thinking that God is only walking with us through our struggles, and not others, so we give ourselves the responsibility of doing it for Him. Are we just in his way? Doesnt God have a plan for them as well? A plan to prosper and not harm them? To give them a hope and a future too? Yes he does. So lets just stand out of the way shall we? He will prove again and again that his plan is better than our own, and he will show us and lead us when to use our hands and hearts for those in need.

New transitions...

5.10.2010

Hello all,

Im starting a blog that will be an informational and hopefully an encouraging spot for those inquiring. I am shy of a week till I graduate from the University of Wisconsin Stevens Point. From there I will begin the summer search and rescue of a ministry team who will prayerfully and financially offer support for my internship with Campus Crusade for Christ starting in the Fall. This may be one of the most adventurous, and refining walks of my life as I lean completely on God's understanding rather than my own. He will provide, and he will do some amazing things in my life and others.

So. Please keep your hands, arms, legs and noses inside the carpet....cause we're out'a here!!!!